#$@%!!!!

In case you don't have the privy of reading my IM away messages: HEY OPEC! EAT A DICK...COCKHAMMERS!

I made fire....YAY!

So as many of you know from the plethora of prompted and unprompted emails today, we have a grille for football season. Granted I wanted one any way and have finally decided to say "Screw the man's rules!" I made the purchase Monday evening just before Lowe's closed up shop. It's a propane fire Char-broil. Took about an hour to assemble with no tools and minimal roommate assistance (the heat shield step was terribly depicted and I missed one of the profile shots on down the map size instructions). I test fired it and it ran without blowing me, or anything around me, to pieces. The proper angle for attaching the tank and the gas valve could prove interesting if inebriated but I can atest it won't spew random gas out to explode. Good job technology. The best part, it lays sideways in the back of the Jeep without any disassembly. Tank not inclusive in that statement needless to say. There is plenty of height to slide tables, etc, under it and other open spaces with the seat folded down for bag chairs, a cooler or two, gas tank, and other necessary supplies. All this and someone has passenger room to ride along. Thanks for making carpooling necessary Exxon! Assholes. The next question is can Wha make a boat appear on Lake Hartwell? Even some of the best laid plans seem to have their snags. I think this weekend’s may have been discovered. More to come on that front tomorrow, I am guessing. Keep an eye out and the fingers nimble and ready for comment.

On the Road Again

This weekends trip...South Dakota. I am up, packing now and trying to get some work done so I can do nothing but price and quote at the office in the morning. This time tomorrow I better be in Aberdeen if I am not downtown drinking here. I get the pleasure of flying Northwest, the same airline currnetly enduring a mechanics strike. Safe flying tomorrow! Hopefully some biker chic won't stop by any of the bars we end up there, on her way to Sturgis or something. Enough beer and I may come back with a Tattoo that says I love mom and a pair of chaps in place of my golf clubs. Hopefully I come back Sunday with a couple funny co-worker stories and a better understanding of industrial fans. If you don't hear from me, wait until the corn is harvested and see if I turn up.

Pizza? Um...No.

So we all get porn spam. It's the reality of having an email address, especially if you are a male, have been single any time in the past 10 years, and have used the internet for its main unintended importance. I accept the fact I receive it, openly check my bulk and trash folders even at work to see the titles and make sure a bulk sent message from IPTAY, Clemson, LXAAlum or anything like that has come through and delete the contents of the folder. So I keep getting this fetish stuff. It keeps reading something about Pizza's in the title. I finally get curious as to what kind of perverted crap this could be and open one. Yeah, mistake as I knew it would be so I opened another one or two over the course of a week to get laugh. It turns out there is a fettish of some sort out there where I guy sticks his rod through a pizza and a female does her thing orally or otherwise. Don't ask me why people like this or how the hell I got on this list. It is freaky stuff but kind of funny to see some dude in the pizza man outfit we accept from a porn flick with his unit through a pizza and some chic (sometime the delivery girl), getting ready to go to town. Should you see the pizza stuff in the topic of you junk file, stay away from it. They become relentless once a message has been opened.

A Great Article

I love it when I find media that I can fully agree with.

http://www.tigernet2.com/view/story.do?id=4754

Blue Hair and White Pills

Well, the trip has come and gone and was relatively uneventful. We left here about 6:45 Thursday, a solid hour and half late. We rolled into Venice about 4:15-4:30 after only two stops the entire way. Not too bad other than the 10 minutes in Venice driving around as I had not been there in a while and its flat, we were worn out and it was quite dark. Got a little confused but found the street I needed and all was good. Friday was pretty tame. Walked a couple holes after we finally got going about 3:30 in the afternoon and had dinner with my grandfather. Good seafood and watched a huge storm roll in off the gulf over the Charlotte Harbor.
Saturday we had 18 holes in by 12:30. Can’t beat riding 18 without a tee time for 23 bucks. Green were freshly airriated but that was the only actually course drawback. Lots of water though. Between the two of us we tested the depth of most ponds, the hardness of several roofs and the integrity of a couple patio screens. The pro shop liked us as we had to restock for our 18 on Sunday. Another round of walk on and play.
The weather was nice. Hot but we had the pool. Believe it or not we never actually hit the beach though we went out up at Siesta Key Saturday night prior to hitting the strip club. It was all nude, but took us an hour to get a chair and no dances were had. Had dinner with my grandfather again on Sunday evening. Not getting to watch the end of the PGA was upsetting. Part of the timing on travel was set up because of that. We did watch a good amount of the tourney between our own golf, sleeping, and eating. We tried to catch the end of it Monday morning coming back. Found a sports bar that opened for lunch. Made it inside prior to Phil’s chip and putt but the moron wouldn’t listen when we told him to flip it to CBS. He claimed the Price is Right was on because they hadn’t updated the preview guide channel. We saw the trophy presentation and replays on ESPNnews while we ate. He bitched that we made him change the channel because he is a moron and couldn’t get it changed back afterwards. He should be glad the hottest chic we saw on the trip happened to be our waitress at lunch, well, next to the fat black woman in a red pickup on 77 in Columbia that Poot gave the muffaletta sign too.
Oh, and we had the god awfullest tea from the Blythewood Bojangles coming back.
Trip Stats: over 1400 miles logged, nearly 24 hrs in the Jeep, 14+ CD’s in their entirety, 1 happy grandfather, two rested company slaves, a few harassed water creatures and a pissed off fat black lady.

Sunday Recap...Midweek Addendum

Apparently I was used. Yep, I heard tonight. The China thing was confirmed and I won't be seeing this person again. I think I let the cat out of the bag when I gave her a peck on the cheek just before leaving in front of one of the other girls. They didn't know anything at that point, oops. Kiwi said something to her later about us hooking up and the response was something like "nothing really happened" and her shying away. Supposedly it has something to do with her current (not so serious I would assume) boyfriend finding out from these other girls all from Columbia. With her leaving, what does it matter. I had a good time, hopefully she did too. Consensus is she wanted a fling with someone new before she left and I got used in the process. Damn, it feels good too. Had I only known that a few drinks early, the story wouldn't be as funny but my end result would have been even more kick ass and the Jack bottle would be cracked for sure.
Oh well, you all have fun making fun of me until next week. I am headed to Florida for a few days and will be offline after I leave the office tomorrow. Hopefully the old folks will have some pointers on how to mix Viagra and alcohol to make a winning combination, and maybe have a few extra blue pills for me. I just hope those blue pills don't turn up in my parents room. Maybe I can even return with a full blown reason to open that bottle...but I doubt it.

The Sunday Recap

The Jack bottle is still standing. I definitely came home and slept for three hours after work Friday. Woke up to no roommates and no desire to track anyone down to go out. Had a quality evening of doing nothing and going to bed earlier than I do during the week. We were out of coke and ginger ale so I thought I would give the liver a rest and be prepared for Saturday.
It's a good thing I did so because damn that was a good party. The numbers weren't as great as was expect but any lack in quantity was made up for 3 fold in quality. Poot and I helped get the keg and took care of concreting the volleyball posts in their respective buckets. The posts set well but without tension strings to run off the side, the weight of the net pulled them over, as there was nothing actually under ground for support. Not our faults, we were in charge of concrete and no string was provided.
The ratio of girls to guys was very good and the ratio of girls interested in us to ones we found attractive was favorable as well. Needless to say the one I hit it off with lives out of town and is traveling to China for an extended time starting the end of the month. Rumor has it she has a boyfriend but either it’s not to seriously, or a light was shined down upon me by a higher power for she didn’t seem to care too much about that guy last night. I know most of you think this is just another excuse like I usually get (the traveling to some far off place thing), but it was verified and she definitely showed her interest in me as the night grew late. I will refrain from details as that wouldn't be proper but depending on technicalities, I think I could justifiably open the single barrel. Poot will probably chime in on this one, hopefully with a little class as he left me at the party and retrieved me this morning. Why he didn't stay is beyond me, unless I am missing something there. I hope so for him.
I do know for a fact that we were the party darlings to the girls as we didn't force ourselves on them unlike other party goers late in the evening and we helped get things set up early on prior to alcohol related memory lapse. I am pretty sure we will be invited back in the future. Hopefully I will be able to hold beer pong court on the “Thirsty Bitches” table again. Undefeated in 5 + games and managed to score this chic mentioned previously by recruiting her to play with me. Winning and talking some good shit always helps all the way around. I think they consider me a ringer as Kiwi claimed dibs on me this morning for future games. If any of you out there (dirty birds) think you can bring it, I may be establishing a home table so watch yourselves.

Return of the Debauchery

Well, we have been in the new apart for right at a month now. We have only managed to polish off one bottle of Jack thus far, though number two stands a snowballs chance in hell of making past this evening. It may not make it past 8 if I don’t take a nap after work. One would have though that Poot and I would be bringing Skippy down to our level and that our ridiculousness would be reaching all time highs. This, however, has not been the case. I find that we are staying increasingly busy though none of us really have anything to do after work. We are also drinking much less…well, at least until this weekend. Skippy has been deposited with the friendly folks at American Airlines and is in NYC. We had two tall boy Jack and Gingers before heading uptown to drink. I don’t remember getting home, I slept in the shorts I wore out, and feel as though I am in a fog, though my office smells as though I am in a swamp. They go together pretty well, seems fitting. We did get to see the stripper with great fake ta-ta’s at Live @ 5. She was all touchy feely…at least until she went to get sick in the port-o-pots. Safe to say the alcohol was impairing her judgment for a while. I think, with a party tomorrow night at Kiwi’s and nothing set for tonight, it is safe to say we are back to our old ways. I will be ghetto rigging a volleyball net and helping attain the keg midday tomorrow with the reward of hanging out with Kiwi’s roommates and free alcohol. I just hope that I have the capacity to recap on Sunday. When I say capacity I really mean the ability to remember the things we did. Hopefully someone will be wearing a green skirt or bathing suit because the shirt and comments will be primed and ready to go.

Carn

So Carn needed an email account to get back with reality. Talked to him today, said I would hook one up for him and let him know all the details. Well now he has one TubbyCarn@yahoo.com. The best part is he also has a Yahoo personal account set up with a picture of him from Brad's wedding and fully completed (legitimate) profile. He will even be receiving matches on a weekly basis. If you get bored, look up kingstreetgolfer in the Charleston area and give him a wink. Once he figures it out I am sure he will appreciate it.