No, Seriously

OK, so this may be the most absurd and disturbing post I have made but I have to before Skippy beats me to it. A little background: Went to Dick's sporting goods and picked up some Under Armour shirts and undershorts to run in at the gym, last Sunday. Needed a little help in sweat abatement, heard good things, bought in. So I washed some darks (all but one shirt) prior to using them. I have super sensitive skin as many of you noticed wit hteh Hi-Five back in college. Anyway, went on Monday and Wednesday in one of the shirts post wash. No problems, a little tenderness on the chest region but no big deal. soaked the shirt but it dodn't hang nearly as heavy. Fast-forward to this evening. Broke out the new, white Under Armour. Hadn't washed it but thought I would take the chance on the skin thing. 30 min later, no problem, I should be good. Start my run, knock out my 3 mile run, and the other 1.5 cool down and additional jog. To be graphic, the nipples were a little tender. Didn't think much about it. Usual t-shirt hangs heavy due to said sweat but don't rub and irritate. I look down after I step off the treadmill 45 minutes later. Nice little red spot on my shirt. Have I picked a scab? Blemish decided to rid itself? Oh no, hell no. Apparently I have rubbed my nipple raw withte bouncing shirt and all it's chemical irritation. First thought through my head "shit". Sad thing, little do I know this has been going on for a while as I have essentially a stream from said nipple most of the way down my shirt. WTF!?! And I thought the one gym instructor was just laughing at a joke previously told, after walking by on the way out. Shit gets even better. I notice said stream in reflection of glass door as I am leaving. Oh, and there are hot chics in the gym at 7 on a Friday...single, obviously, with me, my stellar stamina performance, and bloody nipple in all it's glory. I get home, look down, it's not just one but both. I look like I am breast fedding blood to the bastard child of the devil. I don't know why, how, or if I even want to. I just know that I've taken the cliche " I think I rubbed it raw" to a new level. I write this to you about 6 hrs later. My nipples burn like hell and I'm afraid of ruining my sheets without saving my chest and wearing a freaking band-aid. Imagine that softball strawberry time 5 on the sting factor in the shower. It sucks. That is all. Good laughs to you, focker.