Hoarse and Sunburnt

These are the two most evident repercussions I have to show after this weekend. What was going to be a simple day trip for what was expected to be a great game became a full blown party and weekend to remember. After a couple beers and a phone call by Poot to find out what is tailgating food assignment was, we made a not-to-hard decision to pack up and take off. Free lodging was available and for a game like this, we were crazy not to take up the offer. Clemson arrival time of 9:30 in the downtown parking garage…what a great addition to the town. TTT wasn’t quite what I was expecting but I still ran into a few people I knew. The usual crowd had a various reasons for not being there…it is starting to get obvious we are getting old. Hard partying the night before a game is becoming less and less of a priority, even for me, as this wasn’t even planned. Hada good time, got some sleep and was in the back of Agent Orange’s cousins ride by 10AM. Tailgating officially started around 11 as we had to get the coordination down with the location holder. Grabbed a beer at the Esso before hand. I like the changes though I didn’t realize that had been done for so long. 3:30 rolls around and I was part of the 80+ ready to rock and roll. GREAT GAME. Too bad the Tigers didn’t come out on top. I’ll take the game though. Anytime you perform like that, have your facilities and crowd displayed for the entire nation and put up the fight we did against a widely recognized national power, you can’t complain. It should also keep us from getting the big head for the next two weeks as the schedule doesn’t exactly weaken too much. Post game was a cluster. TTT was dead. Bummed a ride to Esso with Poot, stayed there and ran into a fair amount of folks I knew. Good times though I didn’t get to see my new favorite bartender in Clemson. Oh well. Yesterday was all recovery and the voice is still in and out this morning. I am also on a steady diet of Advil, water, and aloe lotion. It was fun but damn I hurt. Forth football season as a grad. Getting old sucks.

Diplomas

I am officially rewarding two degrees today. They are each a B.S. in Hortoneese (trust me, it is a fine science, not an art). Mr. Bradley T. Rochford (Asshead or Agent Orange) and Mr. Michael E. Oberg (Poot) are receiving these diplomas in recognition of their outstanding skills in interpretation and translation. One day, I hope they take these honors and begin the education of others at a higher level. Once the Wha Center for Appalachian-American Speech is open, they will receive their directors positions if they so choose to accept the challenge of educating others. Congratulations Gentlemen.

Also, apologies go out to Agent Orange as he earned his degree years ago but it wouldn't be right to allow him to graduate early or on time, or through any respectable medium outside a blog or hot dog stand.

Disaster Relief

To all those people who feel that it is their duty to speak out against the govenment and the efforts that have been made to aid those in need, do me one favor. Before landblasting the current administrations, please do the following: First, disclose the amount of funds, relief aids, etc, that you have donated or peronsally raised for the efforts. Second, think about what good your comments are really making? Are they getting anything done? Probably not, well at least nothing more than creating another headache, and question to take time to answer, when the folks in charge already have plenty to do. Third, remember that most of the dingbats were given a weeks notice to get out. If you were so concerned about them, why didn't you go pull them out BEFOREHAND? Forth, if the government is so poorly run, why don't you run for office and try to fix it. Oh that's right. You have, and those with more than half a brain voted to make sure you didn't get in. Now go back to these churches you are supposedly reverends at, assuming you can find them, and do something good....like gather donations of food, water, and clothing instead of TV cameras and liberal reporters.

Assistance Please

This is a serious and urgent post. I have spent parts of each day this weekend dicking around with my computer, at least between football games when Iw as supposed to be using it for strudious purposes. It seems that in rebooting it to pick up our wireless network some files went misplaced and it wouldn't even reboot. I have tried repairing it from my origianl XP disk but nothing seems to owrk. Even last night, I told it to reformat the drive and reinstall. I don't have the equipment to pull it off apparently. Now I need you, the residents of Whatown's help. Anyone with an XP disk please hook me up. I have my old code, and even Service Pack 1 on a seperate disk, but my regular bootup doesn't seem to have what I need anymore. I gotta get this thing running or my grad school groups are going to thoroughly dislike me. Let me know what can be done. I will try and get one from the office as I do have the code as mentioned but it doesn't look so good on that horizon right now.

And the Winner Is...

Bowman....I have to give it to you Brad, the best one yet and fits my procrastination style well. Heismann just doesn't roll off the tongue so well. For your efforts you win (drum roll) well I don't know yet but plan on bringing a decent cup to drink it from this weekend.

The Roaming Gnome

Well, my traveling gnome has taken up shop on the mantle. He hasn't even received groans from architecture boy. The orange has something to do with it and we have all this random other stuff in a collage up there so he kinda blends in I guess. I plan to take him to games as once you bring a gnome ot a game, and hte Tigers win, they must return until the streak is broken. I will be wearing the same shirt as well, so be prepared. Back to the gnome though. He needs a cool name. I like the idea of searching through some old historic names realted to Clemson. Frat Club names are welcome for the lamb chop readers out there but I think the Clemson idea is better. I may call him Heismann...the inner jock coming out maybe? R.C. wouldn't be bad either as Death Valley would be reminiscent of N'awlins' without him (no offense to those in the trajedy meant). I am open for suggestions though. It's kinda like naming a dog, but having a reason other than "it sounds cool." As soon as I get a digital camera to track his journeys he will be traveling with me. (Mom, Dad, Santa Clause, are you listening?) I aim to have a Quarterly picture block in Clemson World at some point where the travels of Clemson Gnomes are featured just as IPTAY handkerchiefs are displayed in the O&W. Anyway, give me a hand, I may even award the winner, and we all know what one of my favorite incentivisors is, if anyone can beat the two listed above.

Damn It

First we lose John Denver, great musician, to a plane crash. This was several years ago as most of you know. Now the only other Denver worth a crap has left us as well. Bob Denver (Gilligan from Gilligan's Island) passed away today at 70. That sucks!

Good Stuff

I would post a long blog about this weekend but you, the readership, were all there and playing along. I styaed "on my feet" so to speak as opposed to last year so I remember pretty much everythign that went on. I hope everyone else had as good a time as I did. Somethign funny happen that I just wasn't around for (like sinking the dock with all of 4 people)? Post it so we can all laugh and laugh.

Proverbs 26:11

As a dog returns to it's vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.

On a roll tonight

Three things:
An executive decision has been made that I will not be pulling a boat to Clemson at $3 a gallon. We have a dock, a cove and I will bring things for people to float on and a football. No point bringing something that will cost me an additional $50 bucks just so we can float above water in the middle of the same cove. We aren't even staying close to campus with regards to the part of the lake and I have no clue where the nearest public access landing is. That's a round at the Walker course and much less hassle!
I have now fully come to the realization that Ron White's comedy can be applied to most any situation or conversation about stupidity that occurs. Two days ago, on the way to lunch, a coworker (Clemson grad that I get my tickets from) was talking about the morons in Louisiana that stayed put during the hurricane then wanted rescued. First, and this is just my personal comment, what a great way to weed out some of the gene pool. Second, the immediate thought that came to mind was Ron's comment about the gentlemen in Key West, tying himself to the tree. Ron said and I quoted "It's not that the wind is blowing. It's what the wind is blowing." Unfortunately no one knew the joke, not even the moron warehouse manager who has seen the video a few times. A minute or two later Clemson coworker made a comment about getting smacked by a street sign. I wanted to say something about it being in your spleen, but knew it wouldn't matter.
The first two CD’s of the Wha and Poot’s greatest box set of the last 35 years has been downloaded/ripped and sorted. They will be burned tomorrow and available for your listening pleasure during the tailgate. We will be exploring the some of the best the 60’s and 70’s has to offer with disk 1 and Southern Rock with a splash of Country on disk 2. Expect to see disk 3 – 80’s music that will rock your cock off, pre-Miami. We may even be able to throw together some of your 90’s favorites or a disk of “this is good shit but which disk should it be on?”

#$@%!!!!

In case you don't have the privy of reading my IM away messages: HEY OPEC! EAT A DICK...COCKHAMMERS!

I made fire....YAY!

So as many of you know from the plethora of prompted and unprompted emails today, we have a grille for football season. Granted I wanted one any way and have finally decided to say "Screw the man's rules!" I made the purchase Monday evening just before Lowe's closed up shop. It's a propane fire Char-broil. Took about an hour to assemble with no tools and minimal roommate assistance (the heat shield step was terribly depicted and I missed one of the profile shots on down the map size instructions). I test fired it and it ran without blowing me, or anything around me, to pieces. The proper angle for attaching the tank and the gas valve could prove interesting if inebriated but I can atest it won't spew random gas out to explode. Good job technology. The best part, it lays sideways in the back of the Jeep without any disassembly. Tank not inclusive in that statement needless to say. There is plenty of height to slide tables, etc, under it and other open spaces with the seat folded down for bag chairs, a cooler or two, gas tank, and other necessary supplies. All this and someone has passenger room to ride along. Thanks for making carpooling necessary Exxon! Assholes. The next question is can Wha make a boat appear on Lake Hartwell? Even some of the best laid plans seem to have their snags. I think this weekend’s may have been discovered. More to come on that front tomorrow, I am guessing. Keep an eye out and the fingers nimble and ready for comment.

On the Road Again

This weekends trip...South Dakota. I am up, packing now and trying to get some work done so I can do nothing but price and quote at the office in the morning. This time tomorrow I better be in Aberdeen if I am not downtown drinking here. I get the pleasure of flying Northwest, the same airline currnetly enduring a mechanics strike. Safe flying tomorrow! Hopefully some biker chic won't stop by any of the bars we end up there, on her way to Sturgis or something. Enough beer and I may come back with a Tattoo that says I love mom and a pair of chaps in place of my golf clubs. Hopefully I come back Sunday with a couple funny co-worker stories and a better understanding of industrial fans. If you don't hear from me, wait until the corn is harvested and see if I turn up.

Pizza? Um...No.

So we all get porn spam. It's the reality of having an email address, especially if you are a male, have been single any time in the past 10 years, and have used the internet for its main unintended importance. I accept the fact I receive it, openly check my bulk and trash folders even at work to see the titles and make sure a bulk sent message from IPTAY, Clemson, LXAAlum or anything like that has come through and delete the contents of the folder. So I keep getting this fetish stuff. It keeps reading something about Pizza's in the title. I finally get curious as to what kind of perverted crap this could be and open one. Yeah, mistake as I knew it would be so I opened another one or two over the course of a week to get laugh. It turns out there is a fettish of some sort out there where I guy sticks his rod through a pizza and a female does her thing orally or otherwise. Don't ask me why people like this or how the hell I got on this list. It is freaky stuff but kind of funny to see some dude in the pizza man outfit we accept from a porn flick with his unit through a pizza and some chic (sometime the delivery girl), getting ready to go to town. Should you see the pizza stuff in the topic of you junk file, stay away from it. They become relentless once a message has been opened.

A Great Article

I love it when I find media that I can fully agree with.

http://www.tigernet2.com/view/story.do?id=4754

Blue Hair and White Pills

Well, the trip has come and gone and was relatively uneventful. We left here about 6:45 Thursday, a solid hour and half late. We rolled into Venice about 4:15-4:30 after only two stops the entire way. Not too bad other than the 10 minutes in Venice driving around as I had not been there in a while and its flat, we were worn out and it was quite dark. Got a little confused but found the street I needed and all was good. Friday was pretty tame. Walked a couple holes after we finally got going about 3:30 in the afternoon and had dinner with my grandfather. Good seafood and watched a huge storm roll in off the gulf over the Charlotte Harbor.
Saturday we had 18 holes in by 12:30. Can’t beat riding 18 without a tee time for 23 bucks. Green were freshly airriated but that was the only actually course drawback. Lots of water though. Between the two of us we tested the depth of most ponds, the hardness of several roofs and the integrity of a couple patio screens. The pro shop liked us as we had to restock for our 18 on Sunday. Another round of walk on and play.
The weather was nice. Hot but we had the pool. Believe it or not we never actually hit the beach though we went out up at Siesta Key Saturday night prior to hitting the strip club. It was all nude, but took us an hour to get a chair and no dances were had. Had dinner with my grandfather again on Sunday evening. Not getting to watch the end of the PGA was upsetting. Part of the timing on travel was set up because of that. We did watch a good amount of the tourney between our own golf, sleeping, and eating. We tried to catch the end of it Monday morning coming back. Found a sports bar that opened for lunch. Made it inside prior to Phil’s chip and putt but the moron wouldn’t listen when we told him to flip it to CBS. He claimed the Price is Right was on because they hadn’t updated the preview guide channel. We saw the trophy presentation and replays on ESPNnews while we ate. He bitched that we made him change the channel because he is a moron and couldn’t get it changed back afterwards. He should be glad the hottest chic we saw on the trip happened to be our waitress at lunch, well, next to the fat black woman in a red pickup on 77 in Columbia that Poot gave the muffaletta sign too.
Oh, and we had the god awfullest tea from the Blythewood Bojangles coming back.
Trip Stats: over 1400 miles logged, nearly 24 hrs in the Jeep, 14+ CD’s in their entirety, 1 happy grandfather, two rested company slaves, a few harassed water creatures and a pissed off fat black lady.

Sunday Recap...Midweek Addendum

Apparently I was used. Yep, I heard tonight. The China thing was confirmed and I won't be seeing this person again. I think I let the cat out of the bag when I gave her a peck on the cheek just before leaving in front of one of the other girls. They didn't know anything at that point, oops. Kiwi said something to her later about us hooking up and the response was something like "nothing really happened" and her shying away. Supposedly it has something to do with her current (not so serious I would assume) boyfriend finding out from these other girls all from Columbia. With her leaving, what does it matter. I had a good time, hopefully she did too. Consensus is she wanted a fling with someone new before she left and I got used in the process. Damn, it feels good too. Had I only known that a few drinks early, the story wouldn't be as funny but my end result would have been even more kick ass and the Jack bottle would be cracked for sure.
Oh well, you all have fun making fun of me until next week. I am headed to Florida for a few days and will be offline after I leave the office tomorrow. Hopefully the old folks will have some pointers on how to mix Viagra and alcohol to make a winning combination, and maybe have a few extra blue pills for me. I just hope those blue pills don't turn up in my parents room. Maybe I can even return with a full blown reason to open that bottle...but I doubt it.

The Sunday Recap

The Jack bottle is still standing. I definitely came home and slept for three hours after work Friday. Woke up to no roommates and no desire to track anyone down to go out. Had a quality evening of doing nothing and going to bed earlier than I do during the week. We were out of coke and ginger ale so I thought I would give the liver a rest and be prepared for Saturday.
It's a good thing I did so because damn that was a good party. The numbers weren't as great as was expect but any lack in quantity was made up for 3 fold in quality. Poot and I helped get the keg and took care of concreting the volleyball posts in their respective buckets. The posts set well but without tension strings to run off the side, the weight of the net pulled them over, as there was nothing actually under ground for support. Not our faults, we were in charge of concrete and no string was provided.
The ratio of girls to guys was very good and the ratio of girls interested in us to ones we found attractive was favorable as well. Needless to say the one I hit it off with lives out of town and is traveling to China for an extended time starting the end of the month. Rumor has it she has a boyfriend but either it’s not to seriously, or a light was shined down upon me by a higher power for she didn’t seem to care too much about that guy last night. I know most of you think this is just another excuse like I usually get (the traveling to some far off place thing), but it was verified and she definitely showed her interest in me as the night grew late. I will refrain from details as that wouldn't be proper but depending on technicalities, I think I could justifiably open the single barrel. Poot will probably chime in on this one, hopefully with a little class as he left me at the party and retrieved me this morning. Why he didn't stay is beyond me, unless I am missing something there. I hope so for him.
I do know for a fact that we were the party darlings to the girls as we didn't force ourselves on them unlike other party goers late in the evening and we helped get things set up early on prior to alcohol related memory lapse. I am pretty sure we will be invited back in the future. Hopefully I will be able to hold beer pong court on the “Thirsty Bitches” table again. Undefeated in 5 + games and managed to score this chic mentioned previously by recruiting her to play with me. Winning and talking some good shit always helps all the way around. I think they consider me a ringer as Kiwi claimed dibs on me this morning for future games. If any of you out there (dirty birds) think you can bring it, I may be establishing a home table so watch yourselves.

Return of the Debauchery

Well, we have been in the new apart for right at a month now. We have only managed to polish off one bottle of Jack thus far, though number two stands a snowballs chance in hell of making past this evening. It may not make it past 8 if I don’t take a nap after work. One would have though that Poot and I would be bringing Skippy down to our level and that our ridiculousness would be reaching all time highs. This, however, has not been the case. I find that we are staying increasingly busy though none of us really have anything to do after work. We are also drinking much less…well, at least until this weekend. Skippy has been deposited with the friendly folks at American Airlines and is in NYC. We had two tall boy Jack and Gingers before heading uptown to drink. I don’t remember getting home, I slept in the shorts I wore out, and feel as though I am in a fog, though my office smells as though I am in a swamp. They go together pretty well, seems fitting. We did get to see the stripper with great fake ta-ta’s at Live @ 5. She was all touchy feely…at least until she went to get sick in the port-o-pots. Safe to say the alcohol was impairing her judgment for a while. I think, with a party tomorrow night at Kiwi’s and nothing set for tonight, it is safe to say we are back to our old ways. I will be ghetto rigging a volleyball net and helping attain the keg midday tomorrow with the reward of hanging out with Kiwi’s roommates and free alcohol. I just hope that I have the capacity to recap on Sunday. When I say capacity I really mean the ability to remember the things we did. Hopefully someone will be wearing a green skirt or bathing suit because the shirt and comments will be primed and ready to go.

Carn

So Carn needed an email account to get back with reality. Talked to him today, said I would hook one up for him and let him know all the details. Well now he has one TubbyCarn@yahoo.com. The best part is he also has a Yahoo personal account set up with a picture of him from Brad's wedding and fully completed (legitimate) profile. He will even be receiving matches on a weekly basis. If you get bored, look up kingstreetgolfer in the Charleston area and give him a wink. Once he figures it out I am sure he will appreciate it.